I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
