We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
