shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
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I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
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Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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