i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
