can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
