Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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