All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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