I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I love you. Go after that dick
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
