Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
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Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
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drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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