Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Dear god my vagina.
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