you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
