When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
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As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
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I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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