She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
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She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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