can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
