Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
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He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
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Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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