there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
