were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
