If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
