Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
