while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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