I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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