What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
