Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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