i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
