hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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