I wanna bring you to show and tell
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
