69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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