Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
