We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
