Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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