This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
