I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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