Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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