R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
