When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
