At least make sure they are 18
Why
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
