my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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