Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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