Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm both gender and math confused
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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