fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
