Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
