I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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