He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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