I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
