I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
