I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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