My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize