So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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