don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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