I'm drive I can fine osifer
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
