I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
