you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
