I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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