Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
this hospital has no fireball
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
