can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
