I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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