Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
