talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
