remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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