there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
