its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
