woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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