Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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